Posted by: Calvin | October 9, 2007

Resume Don’ts

At our small office in relatively small town, I am in charge of hiring new employees for my law firm.  We are currently looking for a real estate and foreclosure legal assistant.  I look over many resumes and cover letters (e-mails).  I find many big mistakes.  To anyone who is job seeking, please consider the following constructive suggestions if your goal is to actually find a job:

  • Do not list AIM on the list of software applications that you are experienced using
  • Do not use text message abbreviations
  • Do not use all capital letters in your e-mails
  • Do not forget to use spell check
  • Do not write like a redneck speaks
  • Do not include a “Modeling Certificate” under educational experience

To any man out there who is now thinking to yourself “I would hire the chick with the modeling certificate!”:  let me educate you.  It is not necessary to list “Modeling Certificate” on your resume if you have real modeling experience.  If you have real modeling experience, you will list that real experience.  What this should tell you is that this person probably paid someone entirely too much money for a meaningless piece of paper which now resides in a frame on a wall.  Having a modeling certificate also does not mean that the person actually is externally beautiful.  It does mean, however, that this person believes that she is externally beautiful, whether or not she is even remotely attractive.  If there are other women working in the office, this is a disaster waiting to happen.  It is not a good idea to mix women who have narcissistic, over-blown self-important egos with real women who are there to get their work done and contribute to the firm’s success.  Can you say “cat fight?”  If you are now thinking “Cool, I love a good cat fight!”, then you just failed the test.  I wouldn’t hire you either!  NEXT . . .



  1. I spent a number of years hiring people for both professional and support positions for the high school where I was a principal. It is AMAZING what people will put on their resumes! Oops, I violated the “no caps” policy. 🙂

  2. y u no hire me??

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